


Hurk's Bad Idea, Number 3847

by thisisthefamilybusiness



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Alcohol, Bets & Wagers, Breastfeeding, Gen, I'd like to apologize in advance for the tags I'm about to have to use, Lactation, i don't know how else to tag this but hurk wants to drink breastmilk and it doesn't go well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-31 21:53:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17857631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisthefamilybusiness/pseuds/thisisthefamilybusiness
Summary: “No, like, she's got titties,” Hurk repeated. Which was probably rude, he guessed, because Kim Rye was a nice lady and also married to Nick, and didn’t deserve to be treated like an object or something, but damn. Titties. Nice. “You think she’d let me try some?”





	Hurk's Bad Idea, Number 3847

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for one whole dollar as a discord shitpost, and it's maybe the worst thing i've ever created, which means that my dignity and integrity as a writer has the same value as anything off the mcdonald's dollar menu.

“Wow, she’s got titties,” Hurk said loudly, to nobody in particular, except maybe to Sharky who was sitting next to him on the roof of the compound.

“Yeah, most ladies got ‘em,” Sharky said, in that tone of voice like he knew more than Hurk just because he graduated high school and like half a semester of college, which shouldn’t even count because Sharky failed like all of his classes. 

“No, like,  _ titties _ ,” Hurk repeated. Which was probably rude, he guessed, because Kim was a nice lady and also married to Nick, and didn’t deserve to be treated like an object or something, but damn. Titties. Nice. “You think she’d let me try some?”

“Of her titties? She’s married, dude. Like, really, really married. You know. With Nick. Since like, high school. Or maybe not, I don’t remember.” Sharky threw his beer can at the metal wall of the shed across from them with a satisfying clunk. “But married. And I think boob milk is only for babies, anyway.” 

Hurk whistled as Kim walked across the yard, but not like,  _ at  _ her. He wasn’t gonna catcall a nice lady. She was classy. And married, and she had a baby. “I could ask.”

“Dude, you’re gonna get your ass kicked if you even try.” Sharky popped open another can of Miller Light and slurped down half of it in a single gulp. 

“Yeah, but what if I don’t? Like, no harm, no foul? ‘Cause nobody’s got hurt or anything, right?” Hurk stared at the packaging of his own beer with consideration. “Plus it’s just a question.” 

“Dude,” Sharky just repeated. “Dude, don’t.”

* * *

Well, like most of Hurk’s original ideas--like the monkeys or the time with those grenades or that other time with the other grenades, or the other other time with the monkeys--it didn’t go so well.

“The fuck you mean?” Kim repeated, baby still on her booby (boobie? Hurk wasn’t sure of the singular here), looking really angry. Like, really angry. Like worse than the Deputy that one time with John Seed, and the Deputy had done some real awful things to John after giving John Seed that look. 

So maybe Hurk fucked up.

“Like, you know, what’s it taste like?” Hurk asked again, trying to keep his cool. Gotta stay calm, like he’d done with the monkeys. “Like is it good?”

“What the absolute fuck, man?” Nick said, and that was when Hurk knew he’d really really really fucked up, because he hadn’t known Nick was around and Nick was real protective of Kim right now, since she’d just had a baby and all. 

“It was just a prank?” Hurk tried, shrugging, but he was never a really good liar. “Ha ha, gotcha!”

Anyway, Nick punched him.

In the face.

A few times.

Nick was pretty strong, actually. Way stronger than Hurk was expecting. 

At least, Hurk thought, it went better than the thing with the grenades and the monkeys. 

**Author's Note:**

> congrats the far cry 5 fandom now has "milk fic" we can all refer to 
> 
> i'm so sorry
> 
> [coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/clstarling/) | [my blog](http://officialclaricestarling.tumblr.com) | [my twitter](https://twitter.com/gabiibanescu)


End file.
